So here it is, my first post! Honestly, I’ve been getting this blog ready to go for quite some time now and just as I thought I was about ready to let it fly, forty-nine people lost their lives because of the hatred one man felt mainly about himself at The Pulse nightclub. I was shaken, and in that moment, the fact that I was an actress/track mom with natural hair and a killer quiche recipe didn’t seem so pressing. So, I regrouped and took a breather. Cut to: me being ready to press “publish” on post number one, for the second time when the country is hurled into mourning once again due to more senseless violence. Two innocent black men lives taken by those who vowed to protect and serve and a sniper, in revenge takes out five officers in Dallas. My heart aches.

As a storyteller I can’t help but picture these people’s day to day lives. Picking out outfits, dancing in the car on the way to the club, laughing with the baby in the backseat or friend in the convenience store. Family and friends that said goodbye that night, never thinking it could be the last time, would be the last time. I was paralyzed for a bit. I sobbed for these most recent men in my husbands’ arms like I knew them personally, just so tired of feeling powerless.  What can I do?

I also needed to keep things crackin’ in my house, raising my kids, and keeping the boat afloat. I got word that I had an audition for a regular role on a new show that called for “excellent comedic timing”.  Uh, okay, well the comedy for me, was in THAT timing. To have an opportunity of this caliber when feeling anything but funny was not ideal, but I was grateful for the opportunity, so suck it up, buttercup!

The reading took place Friday afternoon. What was unusual about it was the fact that the office was empty when I got there resulting in a really touching heart to heart conversation with the CD (casting director) about how we were both processing things. He actually went so far as to leave the room and grab his phone to show me a powerful clip of Jane Elliot, a white woman who has spent the better part of her life fighting racism against people of color. The experience was comforting; it was honest and it was pretty random, because sitting and chatting with a CD of a prominent, casting office for twenty minutes about life, rarely happens. I told him, I genuinely found it difficult to compartmentalize while preparing at home and just focus on funny, and he explained that I wasn’t alone; that the circumstances, being so significant, had crept into the room for most auditions the past couple days. I’m thankful for that time spent as we all do our best to make sense of things and move forward. The audition…well, I don’t think I was right for the role as the character is a recent college grad in her mid twenties, LOL! Now, I feel quite good about how time is treating me, and have always played younger, but mid twenties, come on!  That said, I did make it in the room so, pardon me while I toot my horn for a moment. *toot toot! It’s the little things, people. You know, like the occasional carding at a happy hour when we giggle too loud and fake like we’re all shocked, fake clutching our fake invisible pearls, trying to be cute while fishing ID’s out of our giant mom purses that include things like apple sauce packets, legos and one Batman sock…just me? I doubt it…

So, I’m closing out my very first blog post. It’s not at all what I intended to lead with, but it’s what was on my heart, and I want is to keep it 100% real with you guys. It won’t all be shiny and perfect but it will be honest. Funny how often when we think we have this awesome plan, it gets tossed aside and we just have to trust where we’re being led.  It’s an important pain in the a** lesson that keeps coming up for me lately.  I’m really excited to get this off the ground and share more about my crazy little life with you all. We’ll get back to the regularly scheduled programming next post and I’ll end with a some hope.  If you feel the need to do something as well, start by asking questions, even hard ones.  Have some compassion.  Try and understand.  If you can’t relate to the experiences and frustrations fueling so many emotions right now, that’s not your fault, but remaining ignorant by choice is.  We can do better! I’m seeing communities come together, conversations being had, people pushed out of their comfort zones and forced to stand up for humanity. I’m also seeing lots of work that needs to be done, and hope to do my part. While I’m not exactly sure what that will be, I do know I’ve been called off the bench. I also, know God, and God is good, God is love and Love wins!

Let’s play ball!


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