What are they pumping through the vents in Target stores? Seriously, I would like to know because whatever it is causes people, especially grown women to completely loose their minds. I’ve seen mothers abandon their children to try on an $11 sundress. I’ve seen others with dazed looks in pajamas pants and flip flops just wondering the isles…seen, been, whatever. I visited that black hole of a store with my children. I picked them up from a class they had at 12:30, made it to the closest Target store about ten minutes later and then walked out at THREE O’CLOCK!!! I meeeeean, how does that happen? Why does time stop and all rational thinking go out the window upon entrance into a Target store? I caught myself putting tiny fake cactus plants in my cart the other day. I came to my senses in time to put them back, which is rare, but the fact that in that moment, it made absolute sense to me to spend my hard earned money on not just one but three of them, (so that I could group them of course), is problematic. Where was I going to put them? No clue, but I needed them! I realize now that…my name is Marquita and I’m a Target-holic! Yes, it’s a thing, and here are seven ways to know if you too, might have a “Target problem”
1. You CAN NOT pass by the “dollar bin” – or what used to be the dollar bin. Now they have nerve enough to have things $3 and $5, in there. Has it stopped anything? Nope. I can see it already happening in Hannah. Poor thing has no idea why she’s suddenly drawn to things like random, tiny bottles of glitter.
2. You start planning for events that only cross your mind while you’re IN Target – like imaginary dinner parties with all adults when passing housewares. Greeting cards make even a 7 and 9 year old stop dead in their tracks and you think, “When is teacher’s day? I’ve been meaning to grab cards for that…”
This child started walking around picking out things for her FUTURE HOUSE!!! I can’t get her to think far enough ahead to remember a water bottle for track practice but Target has her picking out shower curtains for her first apartment! This only happens IN Target. She walks around talking about her color palette, which right now consists of all white walls, neutrals, with pops of pale yellows and blues. Sounds lovely, can’t wait to visit.
3. You NEED things at sight of those “sale” stickers – I heard a mother forcing cookies on her daughter and another pushing a coloring book on her son. She didn’t want the cookies and he didn’t want the coloring book but mama was in Target so it was happening whether they liked it or not.
I considered these here ‘wall mounts” for far longer than I should have. Yep, stuffed animal taxidermy was seeming perfectly acceptable.
4. You DO and BELIEVE whatever the Target tells you – They have these new signs around the stores that say, “cart stopping deals”, so what do you think I did. Yes, damn it, I stopped my cart! I’m not proud of it, but they were right and suddenly in my cart was a toothbrush holder that says “brush” and a lovely turquoise Dutch oven pot that I’m very excited to make some delicious turkey chili in this weekend, thank you very much! I’ll post that recipe another day…using THE POT! BOOM…justified! And yep, I believed that in THAT mug, my coffee would indeed make me awesome! What is wrong with me??
5. You rummage “go back” carts for hidden treasures – At this point Zion was determined to spend cash he kept forgetting he didn’t have. Because he’s in Target, that’s why!
Here is some “Target Art” shot by my son. He stole my phone while I was distracted trying on shoes I don’t need. He could’ve taken pictures of anything…however he too, is clearly HYPNOTIZED by the bullseye. So now in my phone is a series of photos of my Target basket from various angles. This is a real problem people!
6. A strange boldness comes over you in Target – you offer unsolicited opinions, the kids get very chatty. They helped a woman pick out a birthday gift for her granddaughter…she went with Shopkins. I remember being in the hair care section when Hannah was younger and a boy says to his mother, “You know there are actually more people on the planet with curly hair than straight hair?”, to which my little ball of sunshine with a head full of golden curls blurts out, “yeah, right” and starts pointing back with her thumb repeating what he said as if it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. We’re doing our best to instill confidence, but dang! I’m not even fully convinced it would’ve gone down the same had we not been in Target.
7. You spend all of your money on things you never wanted before that day and forget to get what you actually went there for in the first place – Hannah had $4 in her pocket when we got to Target. Do you think she left with $4?? Of course not, Target won! She treated herself and her brother to Tic Tacs, at check out only adding to the randomness of it all. Since when are they remotely interested in Tic Tacs? I have no idea if I even got what I went there for.
So, what ridiculousness did I walk away with? A Kidzlab Crystal Mining kit, (it’s science), tiny pots with seeds in them so apparently we’ll be growing miniature strawberries and cucumbers very soon, glitter crayons, coloring book, Goldfish (the snack not the animal), rainbow colored tissue paper (for crafting, I guess), white tennis shoes for Hannah to draw on, mouthwash, shampoo & conditioner, (full of empty promises I’m sure, to add to my enormous collection of shampoo and conditioner) and while I walked to the register with two pairs of shoes in my basket, I refrained. Just enough fresh air must waft in from the front doors making such decisions possible. That said, they were really cute…I’ll be going back…like tomorrow.